The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
