cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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