I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
