I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
