I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
