Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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