It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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