yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
