idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
