i permit you to call me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
