you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
