My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize