Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
