just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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