He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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