Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
