I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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