She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
