we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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