my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
