A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize