So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
