Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
