you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
