I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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