Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
