I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
