i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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