it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
