Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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