Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
