i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize