Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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