I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
