Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
