:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
