How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if only i could text you this smell
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
