Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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