Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
