No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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