Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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