I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
