you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
