It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
