We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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