I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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