when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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