oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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