I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
