i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
