Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
