Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
