She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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