i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
