Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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