A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
