i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
