dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
