And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
