If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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