I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you made out with another girl for some wings
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
