I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize