thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
