I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
