Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
