The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I intend to get homeless drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
