I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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