I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
