His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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