let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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