Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
