My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize