Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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