dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
