I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
