it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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