You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
