She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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