Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
