so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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